Fuzzy Bad Feeling

You know that weird feeling in the back of your mind? That one that’s a warning and just tells you to be careful. That thought that something is just wrong or just not right?

Well, I’ve been feeling that for about a week now. Something lurking and just bad in the back of my mind poking and prodding at me. And it’s been so deep seated that it actually triggered my OCD and triggered a skin-picking episode.

It’s also led me to really realize a bit about just how I handle that ‘fuzzy bad’ feeling that prickles in the back of my mind, as compared to perhaps more normal people. Continue reading “Fuzzy Bad Feeling”


Global Talent?: Psychic Abilities

Recently on the world of Facebook, there’s been lots of discussions about just how “global” psychic abilities are. Of course, these types of conversations are…somewhat fraught, and generally can get a bit dicey. Though, not nasty–yet.

Pretty much, it’s obvious where I stand: psychic abilities are not “innate” in all people. They are not “global” such that everyone has them. To me, I consider true psychic abilities fairly rare. Not everyone has psychic abilities/talents/whatever.

I’m (for my perspective & my theory) proof that not everyone has them. No matter how much I attempted to train myself & train some kind of ability or talent, it never happened. Never mattered how much meditation, scrying, focusing, crystal-using, or anything else. It just failed. So, obviously I don’t have them. Maybe someday in the future the gods/spirits/ancestors/whatever might decide I should have some kind of psychic ability, and then maybe they’ll give it to me, or enable it…or level up? Whatever.

Continue reading “Global Talent?: Psychic Abilities”

Patron and Patroness

I think I’ve written a bit about this before…but I am also lazy (and also currently very, very sick, for the record), so I’m not going to take the time to go back and try and link to any past posts, if they exist. I know they link by tags, so that’s a way to find them. Sorry lovely readers, but thank you for humoring my sick self.

See, a lot of pagans online write and talk about how they are devoted to or have a patron and (usually) “matron” they work with. — oh right. I have written about that before. I have a peeve about the term matron paired with patron, because that’s not the word they’re actually looking for, and their usage is false, and most get really titchy when you point it out to them. — Well. And I know quite a few people have a patron and patroness pair they work with. A lot of neo-Wiccans call them the Lord and Lady, or people pair up really common pairs, or odd pairs that they work with. I’ve seen Thor and Hecate together, or Cernunnos and Diana; Zeus and Hera, etc and so on.

I see a lot of online pagan advice people, whether on Facebook, Tumblr, or other platforms, that all espouse that it’s just a matter of time, and then you’ll find the perfect patron/patroness duo to work with; and that’s what makes a real pagan and defines deep pagan religious belief. Which I know for a lot of pagans, especially of neo-Wiccan persuasion that’s true, but not everyone needs this persuasion. And quite frankly, it grates that there is this baseline assumption that everyone has to conform and that at the end of our spiritual, religious journey, all pagans are going to end up with the dualistic male/female dichotomy that ends us up with 1 male patron and 1 female patroness. Oh, and all the articles, advice and utter claptrap about how if you just keep going on and on, and keep on pressing contact you’ll get contact and be able to talk to your patron and/or patroness.

Which needs to stop.

Because again, points against this:

  1. Not everyone needs patron, patroness, both, or even wants one at all.
  2. Not everyone can/wants to/will/seeks to have a godphone/means to speak/connect with/interact with deities.

Continue reading “Patron and Patroness”

On Christianity and Being a Pagan

(Bonus note: this is post 200 on my blog! I’m glad that you guys are still around, reading this)

I’ve mentioned before that I grew up in a, well basically agnostic household. Which does lead to a pretty amusing story into how I got religion at all. But that does not mean that Christianity was not a part of my childhood. I always was a curious child.

My mother is a lapsed Catholic, my father was a member of a Lutheran/Protestant church as a kid…but I sure never heard that from him, instead learning that from my grandma. My parents let me figure out religion and spirituality for myself. So I got to go to a cousin’s Hindu wedding ceremony, a Catholic wedding…as well as a slew of other Christian denomination weddings in the family.

As for actual religious services – I’ve been to a Catholic mass, a Protestant service, a few Evangelical services, and even to a Mormon youth group meeting. I got to read the Book of Mormon, massive parts of the Bible, I’ve read rabbinical texts outside the Torah, as well as parts of the Qu’ran; beyond the “Big 3” I’ve read Buddhist, Confucian, Taoist and Hindu scholars’ works. I’ve read works about Shinto, Jainism, Sikhim as well. (not to say that I could speak with any authority on those topics, because most of them I can only give a basic overview of belief) But, suffice it to say that I was given a lot of freedom to learn as I wanted growing up.

Which explains how my parents, when I was 11, agreed to let me go to an Evangelical Summer Camp with my neighbor. It was all split up into age groups, so I went with one of the neighbor girls, while my sister went on a different week with the other neighbor. Continue reading “On Christianity and Being a Pagan”

On Calling the Gods…

If one is totally headblind. (Or an extension of my previous post on the topic: here)

I already discussed how I am completely headblind. And how that sometimes can be difficult in the pagan/polytheist online crowd. After all, there is a lot on how people hear their gods, or their gods speak to them constantly. And I don’t experience that at all. Hell, as I admitted before, I can’t even tell when I’m getting pinged for anything, or if signs are being directed at me.

But, that’s the other post. For this one, I’m expanding a little bit. Continue reading “On Calling the Gods…”

Head Blind and being Pagan

Is a very interesting experience.

Back when I first started seriously interacting with online pagans I was afraid to admit to myself that I was head blind. I knew I was, to the depths of my soul, but I didn’t really admit it to myself, and I certainly never said so in any of the online forums I was lurked on, or the few I participated in. Because being head blind was not cool. You had to have some way to sense/see/participate in all the cool stuff going on around you to be a “real pagan”™. If you weren’t special in some way, you were a poser, a fake, and not really pagan…so you had to have some way of being obviously pagan. And that meant sensing/seeing/hearing the supernatural or the gods in some way. Of course, I know better now. I’m a lot more mature than I was at 14-15 years old. Being head blind isn’t a problem, at least, not the way I thought it was back then. Sure, there are downsides to it, but there are benefits. Continue reading “Head Blind and being Pagan”

On the Notion of Being “God Bothered”

So, I suppose I never thought I’d even consider this. I suppose it’s a particularly modern-day kind of issue anyway. After all, I think that “god bothered” is a fairly modern notion in paganism.

Or rather, I think this whole situation stems from a highly Christian view of the world. (Fair note – I’ll speak about Christian-perspective in Western culture, specifically in the United States, as that is where I live, and it’s what I know best of all. I am not comfortable enough to speak about other perspectives on religion/culture, as I do not want to over-generalize anything too much. As it is, speaking as a woman raised outside of a “Christian” society, but still within the broader framework, I sometimes will make errors in my assessments of Christianity. If I do so, please let me know about that so I can correct any misunderstandings I have.)

See, the Christian God listens, directly interferes (or as most see it, acts) in people’s lives. He is directly involved in his worshiper’s lives. In Western culture, especially American, people expect that their gods will answer their requests/prayers/rituals and will be involved in a recognizable way. The Christian God is highly entwined in everything that Christians do. If he doesn’t answer in some way, it’s a sign of something not going as planned, something wrong. Or, that you’ve asked for something you are not meant to receive. No matter what, God somehow communicates with his worshipers. So I think most pagans, when they leave Christianity, they carry that notion with them. Even pagans like me, who were never raised Christian, absorb some of that world-view just from constant exposure. Still, it must be stronger in those raised in a religion that teaches that one must have a very personal relationship with God to have salvation and fulfillment from the divine. But, it gets carried over into paganism. Continue reading “On the Notion of Being “God Bothered””