Rules of Hospitality

This is a bit of a rant — (happy 300th post to me!)

So front up — I hate disrespect when you’re a guest in someone’s house. It’s deplorable and quite frankly some sign of lack of manners that either one was raised without or a lack of respect for other people’s homes, a conscious choice. I was raised to be polite, respectful and hospitable with I am a guest in someone’s home. That includes family.

Hospitality is something very important to me, and I guess it’s also something in Slavic paganism (from my research).

TopClearly some people (i.e. my freaking sister) just don’t care, and are so rude, entitled and just nasty that they don’t think they need to show anyone basic decency and respect. In her case it is by no means a lack of raising. Our parents raised us to be polite, good guests, and to not leave the host/ess a mess that they have to clean up. If you use your host’s appliances, then clean them up and don’t leave a mess. My fucking sister though, clearly she’s just so rude and obnoxious that she’s above this; and she thinks everyone should just bow down and clean up for her.

PanCase in point – the freaking stove top. Now, the actual burner itself has always been “burned” like that, so the grey-ish smudge on the burn itself is not an issue. But the yellow splatters of egg-gunk are her fault. And you know, it takes all of 2 seconds, while you’re scrambling eggs, to grab the paper towels 2 feet away and wipe is down. Rather than leave a mess for others to clean up, considering you’re a guest.

Not that I really expect my idiot sister to show any respect. But…one could hope. I mean, I certainly don’t let anyone’s house I’m in be left like this. She left the spatula, pan and stove top caked in egg. So of course, by the next morning, it’s hardened on, and that means that to clean it, it has to be scrubbed and scraped out. Not just a quick rinse and toss into the dishwasher to let it handle the cleaning. No, because of what she did, my mom and I have to clean up after her.

I’m not a fucking maid, and my idiot brat sister knows better than this. She just doesn’t care, and she’s so goddamned entitled that she thinks this is okay.

So I felt compelled to do an offering, to whatever house spirit there might be (maybe a domovoi), or to my ancestors. Because gods know that I am ashamed such a rude, obnoxious and inconsiderate brat is my sister; or that she would dare be so rude and insulting to my family home–my home. And I really don’t want any spirit or entity to be angry at me for how rude she is, that’s not something I can have.

BreadI made cornbread. Seen here after I sealed it up in a bag to keep it from going crispy, so I can enjoy the rest of it. I’ve mentioned before about how I feel cornbread makes a good offering to my ancestors and gods–this is the first time I did it on purpose. I gave up the first piece in offering to the gods and spirits, the second piece to my ancestors, and then I started eating some myself. It’s just a matter of respect at this point, because my sister defiled my house and broke all rules of guest hospitality in how she treated my house.

It’s only respectful to give first; but I also am a firm believer that the gods/spirits/ancestors do not mind if I partake to share. Wasted food is not something my ancestors would hold to–so I eat what I offer (at least in this case). They would be more upset with me for just leaving food to sit out and not be eaten. Frugality and necessity are the motivations of my family, and wasting food is disrespectful–so I need to do the honorable thing in this case.

Basically – common decency and rules of hospitality as I was taught, and how they run in our family (using general you):

  1. I open my house to you, give you place to stay and option to use my kitchen, bathroom, guest room/living room couch (whatever is available).
  2. You use kitchen as invited/utilize facilities of my house. These are not begrudgingly given to you as guest.
  3. What you use, you clean so that it is in like condition to how you got to use it. Guest hospitality will mean you should clean up and ensure no mess is left.
  4. You be a hospitable guest and ensure you cause me no undue work or effort upon your leaving. That is respectful.

Of course my sister is “above” this. So it was a frustrating weekend.

I’m just hoping that whatever spirits are lurking around my apartment aren’t angry (too much) with my inconsiderate and insulting sister.



2 thoughts on “Rules of Hospitality

  1. I believe that she has broken all the rules of hospitality and that you are well within your rights to forbid her from your home. You DO NOT have to put up with this sociopathic slob. Tell both her and your parents your decision and your reason for it. She has crossed one too many boundaries. By not keeping our boundaries strong, personality disorders can develop. (I ama retired psychiatric librarian. I cannot say that she has these types of issues; but, it is mentally unhealthy not to know where one is and what common decency is in behaviour.


    1. If it were my house alone, I could ban her. But given that it is also my mother’s-50/50, I cannot unilaterally ban anyone. I have an agreement worked out with my mom where she is only allowed to stay 3 days max at any time, and she’s banned from a few key areas of the apartment that are mine. It’s what I can do, as long as I still am required to share living space. It’s a give and take.


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