Holidays remind me of the issues that I have with my family.
I have trouble, a long-standing troublesome relationship with my father. It’s been bad for years, extremely awful. And things like this remind me of just how bad it has been.
So just to clarify who is who in this screenshot from Facebook… The pink is my sister (the one who posted this). The blue is my dad’s name, she tagged him. Grey is random people who liked this post. Red is my photo. It’s a photo of a text my dad sent my sister on the last day of finals for this quarter (she’s a senior in college right now), in case it isn’t clear that these are college finals she’s talking about in this little Facebook post.
It all seems rather innocuous. I mean, sure. Cool. Dad sends daughter congratulatory message during finals week. That’s sweet enough. I should be fine with that, ne? After all, this is my dad and my younger sister I’m talking about. Really, this should all be fine.
But…the reason this isn’t sitting well with me goes to family history. See…in all four years I was at college, my dad never once told me he was proud of me. He never once wished me luck on tests, finals, presentations, or my capstones (thesis’ for graduation). He never once told me that he was lucky to be my dad. In all my time in high school and college he has never once told me that he was proud of me. And then my sister goes and posts that little thing on Facebook and it does hurt my feelings. I’m not too proud to admit that.
And then there’s the fact that my sister posts this cute little post on the internet for everyone to see. She knows what I went through during middle school, high school and college with our dad and yet she acts like it never happened. That’s something I have to get over (I know that is solely my problem). But still, for her to act so cavalier, it annoys me. Plus, the calm sweet “la-dee-dah” about how wonderful everything is with our family is total bullshit. This kind of Facebook post just reminds me that there is a huge inequality in how my dad treats the two of us. He really has always treated my sister better than me, and these kinds of things just reinforce it. The utter openness of it just kind of shocks me in some respects.
Holidays just always remind me that family is difficult and I could really do to not have the stress of family around them. Especially not my sister and dad at times like these.∗