So, my original plan was to have done this a while ago.

But…my diagnosis, well, I’m still not going to name it, not quite yet. I want to be totally certain before I write it down. I…just don’t want to label it online without being totally certain. I suppose that could be stupid, but it’s how I am.

Still, I kind of have a thing about certainty. I don’t like to do things if I’m not certain about them. Which was, of course my problem with the knot magic. I knew what I wanted to do, in principle. I mean, I knew the principle of the matter, the practice, and how to do it, that’s easy enough. I even knew how to go about it, what I wanted to go about doing, and I even had my whole “attack plan” so to say set out. I just had one little problem.

I didn’t know what form I wanted to make these little things into.

See, my anxiety is mostly centered around 1 thing right now. I’m having a problem with my door. I know it is locked, I know I locked it, but I can’t help but go back and check it constantly. Which is dumb, and it keeps making me nearly late for class (I’m only not late because I sprint). Not good, because I can’t afford to be doing this constantly. Especially not once I’m out in the “real world” (i.e. not college), and it’s a job on the line, not a college class. I’m sure it’ll spread to other things, because it usually does, it starts off fairly concentrated and then mushrooms into numerous other problems.

So, since I didn’t know how to work with a form for my attempt at knot magic to work on my anxieties, I just clammed up. Which is of course, typical me. If I don’t have a form, I just freak out and don’t do it. Because I realized that my original idea of a bracelet, while a generally good idea, is not particularly well suited to this particular problem that I’m having at the moment. I’ll still be doing that at a later date, but for this particular problem, it isn’t the best solution for the immediate problem on hand. Well, I just got an idea, about 2 seconds ago. Which is great, because it means that Wednesday night I’m going to put this into practice, since everything is actually all together now.

I figure, since it’s all centered around my door, there’s no need to worry about anything to carry on me, not anymore. So I’ll instead focus on something I can hang on my door. It should prove an interesting endeavor. I may have to combine a bit of crocheting as well, we’ll see once I get started. If I do, then Halloween is the perfect time to do this, I think. Because what better time to incorporate the thing my grandma taught me into my practice than on my grandma’s favorite holiday? I think then, it’s a good time to have finally gotten an idea for this, as I’m having a particularly rough time with all of this lately, and I really need a way to help deal with the stress.

Advertisements